Retro Who Report

I love Doctor Who, don't get me wrong, but the classic show is the purest kind of science fiction crack that ever aired on television. I'm watching The Ark in Space. The first part was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Here is a basic rundown of what happened.

The Doctor, Sarah Jane, and Harry Sullivan land on a deserted space station. There's not very much air. The first five minutes are devoted to the Doctor using the sonic screwdriver to turn the air on. Then Sarah Jane gets trapped in another room that has the air vents turned off. She passes out. The Doctor and Harry come in and try to turn the air on in this room, but then they get trapped in there too. Just as the Doctor is about to pass out, he does some more sonic screwdriver magic and the air starts flowing into the room. Sarah Jane is extremely weak from this experience and has to lie down on this bed that is mysteriously in this control room. There's another five minutes.

Harry and the Doctor try to leave this room to go do... something, but they are thwarted when a robotic security system comes down from the ceiling and tries to zap them. They hide behind a conveniently placed 70s style endtable. Crawling underneath it, they manage move it around to the other side of the room to get to the control panel to turn off the security robot. In the process, the Doctor's hat, scarf, and both of Harry's shoes get fried.

Meanwhile, Sarah Jane has been magically transported elsewhere on the space station and gets cryogenically frozen. She hears soothing voices telling her about how she has been chosen and other stuff like that. It takes Harry and the Doctor kind of a while to notice she's missing. When they do, they start wandering around the station looking for her. In the hallway, they find some slimy green stuff that looks like wet saran wrap on the ground. It is leftover from a giant caterpillar that Harry saw briefly. They decide it is not worth discussing further and they move on.

They discover that this space station is where humanity has tried to preserve itself from some disaster that has befallen the earth. They go into a room with a bunch of people in plastic stasis pods. Harry starts opening them, and somehow this doesn't affect the people at all. Suddenly, Harry discovers Sarah Jane in one of these pod things. "We can't help her now!" he says. "No, she'll be like that for three thousand years at least. Even if we had a resuscitation unit, it's doubtful we could revive her now," says the Doctor. "There must be something we can do!" says Harry. "What would a resuscitation unit look like?" He starts opening cupboards, and then, SUDDENLY: